Master Your Mind: Focus On What You Can Control

Life throws a lot at us—some things we can handle and others we can’t. Through my journey, I’ve understood that focusing on what I can control is the key to a resilient, fulfilling, and forward-moving life. By dedicating my time and energy to the things I can influence—my actions, thoughts, and responses—I’ve created a framework of habits that ground me, no matter what life throws my way.

Here, I’ll share 25 powerful insights on how focusing on the controllable has helped me master my mind and navigate life with purpose and clarity. This isn’t just theory. I apply practical, hard-earned wisdom every day, designed to help anyone looking to find stability in a chaotic world. Let’s dive in.

1. Cultivating a Positive Mindset with Mantra

Our self-talk is like fertile soil: whatever we plant there—positive or negative—will grow and take root in our minds. Mantras are powerful tools for shaping our mindset because they constantly remind us of our intentions and values. When we consciously choose positive words, we help our minds pivot away from doubt and negativity, creating a mindset open to possibilities.

I use mantras like “I am healthy. I am happy” to realign my focus, pulling me out of negativity and into a space of possibility. Mantras remind me that, while I can’t control everything, I can always control how I speak to myself.

• Read The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. This timeless guide demonstrates the transformative power of positive self-talk, helping us approach life’s challenges with optimism and resilience.

2. Pausing Before Responding

In our fast-paced world, we’re often pressured to react immediately. But pausing before responding can dramatically shift our perspective and keep us from saying something we might regret. This pause lets us process our emotions, assess the situation, and craft a thoughtful rather than reactive response. It’s a small but powerful way to create emotional space.

A two-second pause before responding, even to say, “Help me understand,” keeps me calm and thoughtful. This pause allows me to process my reactions rather than being swept away by emotions, turning every response into a conscious decision.

• Read Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. This insightful book explores how slowing down our responses can improve decision-making and help us avoid the pitfalls of impulsive reactions.

3. Commitment and Effort: It’s All or Nothing

Total commitment to a task or goal creates momentum and eliminates the mental drain from being “half-in, half-out.” When we set the standard of “all or nothing,” we take control of our focus and energy, dedicating ourselves wholeheartedly to what truly matters and letting go of distractions that dilute our efforts.

I say no if something doesn’t align with my goals; my rule is 100% or nothing. Total commitment has become a non-negotiable standard, helping me focus only on what matters without the drain of indecision.

• Read So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport - This book teaches the power of fully committing to developing skills and pursuing excellence, reminding us that mastery requires dedication.

4. Prioritizing My Passions

Passion can fuel incredible progress, but it can also pull us in too many directions if we’re not careful. Recognizing which passions align with our immediate goals allows us to focus our energy on what moves us forward. Knowing when to say “not now” to a passion is a mature way of prioritizing and allows us to revisit those interests when the timing is right.

I’ve set aside DJing and rugby coaching to focus on my book and course. It’s never easy to shelve a passion, but understanding the bigger picture makes it worthwhile. Knowing my goals are being met gives me the confidence to move forward.

• Read The One Thing by Gary Keller - Discover the power of focusing on your top priority to make extraordinary progress, even if it means saying “not yet” to other interests.

5. Sleep as a Health Priority

Sleep is foundational to every area of our lives—physical health, mental clarity, emotional balance, and productivity. Treating it as non-negotiable equips us to face the day with resilience and focus. Prioritizing sleep is a simple but profoundly effective way to take control of our well-being.

I must be in bed by 110 p.m.every night. Sleep isn’t just a break from the day; it’s the foundation for everything I do, by treating it as a non-negoti 110 p.m. I set myself up for success.

• Read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. This fascinating book examines the science of sleep and explains why quality rest is vital for our health and productivity.

6. Daily Learning Through Writing

Learning becomes transformative when we actively engage with new ideas rather than passively consume them. Writing down insights not only helps us remember but also forces us to clarify and process new knowledge, turning abstract ideas into practical wisdom.

Writing about a book daily deepens my understanding and helps me process new insights. Journaling turns passive reading into active learning, cementing ideas in my mind.

• Read Ultralearning by Scott H. Young - This book provides powerful strategies for mastering complex skills quickly and effectively, emphasizing the value of continuous learning.

7. Starting Strong with a Morning Routine

How we begin our day sets the tone for everything that follows. A structured morning routine anchors us, creating mental clarity and purpose to carry us through even the busiest day. By choosing a routine that nurtures mind, body, and spirit, we build resilience before the challenges arise.

My morning routine—cold shower, supplements, stretching, breathing, meditation, and journaling—anchors me. By setting a deliberate tone at the start, I am equipped to handle whatever comes my way.

• Read The 55 a.m.Club by Robin Sharma - This book illustrates how an intentional morning routine can set a productive tone for the day and help you reach your goals.

8. Affirmations as Self-Talk

Affirmations are not about wishful thinking but about reinforcing our core beliefs and goals. By repeating affirmations, we program our subconscious to support our values, which helps us stay on course even when we encounter setbacks.

Affirmations like “I am a conduit of positive change” focus my mind on who I strive to be. These simple affirmations remind me of my purpose, pulling me back on track when I feel scattered.

• Read The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy - Discover how affirmations can shape our beliefs and reality by directing our focus and reinforcing positive intentions.

9. Focusing on the First Thing First

In a world of distractions, getting lost in busyness is easy without making meaningful progress. Tackling the most critical task frees our mental bandwidth, allowing us to spend the day with a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

I tackle my most critical tasks daily to avoid getting lost in busy work. This practice keeps me grounded and ensures I’m making meaningful progress.

• Read Eat That Frog! by Brian Tracy - This book offers practical advice on tackling the most critical tasks first, helping boost productivity and focus.

10. Setting Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are about defining our values and making space for what matters. When we set and honor boundaries, we show respect for ourselves and for others, protect our energy, and create balance in our lives.

Sunday is reserved for family—no work, no email. By creating space for those I love and restoring balance in my life, I can be fully present.

• Read: Essentialism by Greg McKeown - A guide to setting boundaries and focusing only on what truly matters, this book emphasizes the importance of saying “no” to make room for what’s essential.

11. Accountability as Integrity

Accountability is the foundation of trust and integrity. Holding ourselves responsible for our choices builds self-respect and strengthens our relationships with others. Accountability ensures that we act with honesty and intention.

I ask myself tough questions like, “Am I taking responsibility for my choices?” This self-check ensures that I act with integrity.

• Read Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. This book underscores the importance of accountability in leadership and life and shows how taking ownership can drive success.

12. Protecting My Energy

Energy is finite, and we can enhance our productivity and well-being by managing it wisely. Knowing when to take breaks and rest helps us stay energized and focused, ensuring we can bring our best selves to each task.

I take naps to stay sharp and productive while working long hours across time zones. Recognizing when to rest, rather than pushing through exhaustion, keeps me at my best.

• Read The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Learn how managing your energy, rather than just your time is critical to peak performance.

13. Managing Finances Together

Financial clarity is essential for peace of mind. When we treat personal finances like a business, we cultivate responsibility and partnership, reducing stress and creating a shared vision for financial security.

My wife and I review our finances weekly, treating it like a business P&L. Financial clarity strengthens our partnership and reduces stress.

• Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki. This classic on personal finance provides insights into wealth-building and the importance of financial literacy.

14. Forgiving to Move Forward

Holding onto past grievances can weigh us down, preventing us from moving forward. By choosing forgiveness, we free up mental and emotional energy, allowing us to focus on growth rather than resentment.

I write forgiveness letters to let go of past grievances. This practice frees mental space, releasing me from negative emotions and allowing me to focus on the present.

• Read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach . This book teaches how to let go of past pain and practice self-compassion and acceptance to find peace.

15. Learning from Mistakes Through Postmortems

Mistakes are inevitable, but they’re also valuable teachers. By reflecting on what went well and what didn’t, we can learn from our experiences, improve our approach, and create a growth mindset.

Reflecting on projects helps me turn mistakes into learning opportunities. By analyzing what went well and what didn’t, I can refine my approach for the future.

• Read The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday - Discover how setbacks can be turned into opportunities for growth and resilience.

16. Practicing Active Listening

Active listening is about being fully present with others. When we listen with intention, we show respect and create trust, deepening our relationships and gaining valuable insights.

I practice being the last to speak, creating space for others’ perspectives and building stronger connections.

• Read: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - A timeless guide to effective communication, this book offers practical ways to build understanding and respect.

17. Setting and Reviewing Goals

Goals keep us focused, but regularly reviewing them keeps us adaptable. This practice ensures that our actions remain aligned with our vision, allowing us to pivot when needed while staying on track.

I set quarterly goals and review them weekly to stay aligned with my vision. Regular reflection allows me to adjust as needed and remain adaptable.

• Read Measure What Matters by John Doerr - This book is essential reading on setting goals with impact and tracking progress.

18. Practicing Mindfulness Through Breathing

Mindful breathing centers us in the present moment, reducing stress and creating clarity. This simple practice brings awareness to our state of mind, helping us navigate the day with calm and focus.

Daily breathing exercises ground me and bring focus to my day, allowing me to stay centered even amid chaos.

• Read: You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is a beautiful introduction to mindfulness, and this book offers simple ways to cultivate presence in everyday life.

19. Cultivating Humility and Compassion

Humility reminds us that we don’t have all the answers, and compassion allows us to connect with others. These qualities help us navigate relationships with grace, minimizing ego and maximizing understanding.

When frustrated, I remind myself, “It’s not about me.” This shift in perspective brings humility and patience into my interactions with others.

• Read The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga - This book teaches the liberating power of letting go of ego, enabling us to build genuine connections.

20. Creativity Through Writing and ApolloSkills

Creative outlets provide a channel for self-expression, allowing us to bring new ideas to life. Dedicating time to creativity fuels fulfillment, and it strengthens our sense of purpose and identity.

I see my writing and ApolloSkills as creative outlets that allow me to channel my energy into something meaningful and fulfilling.

• Read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron - Discover how creativity can bring fulfillment and joy, transforming self-expression into a path for personal growth.

21. Accepting Limits and Focusing on Control

Accepting that we can’t control everything liberates us from unnecessary stress. By focusing only on what we can control, we gain clarity, reduce anxiety, and become more effective in managing our lives.

Focusing only on what I can control keeps me grounded and reduces unnecessary stress.

• Read The Wisest One in the Room by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross - This insightful book focuses on what we can influence.

22. Building Connections

Relationships enrich our lives, providing support, perspective, and a sense of belonging. Connecting with others is essential for well-being, grounding us in a larger community.

I make a point to connect with friends or family each week. Relationships ground me and give life richness and resilience.

• Read Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss, a robust collection of advice and perspectives. This book shows the value of meaningful connections.

23. Self-Care with Restorative Time

Resting and recharge allow us to bring our best selves each day. When we prioritize self-care, we build the foundation for long-term health and well-being, ultimately benefiting every area of our lives.

Using my Oura ring, I monitor my vital time to ensure I give my body what it needs. This data-driven approach keeps me mindful of my well-being.

• Read Outlive by Peter Attia. This comprehensive guide to extending health and vitality emphasizes the value of self-care.

24. Writing Daily Gratitudes

Gratitude shifts our focus from what’s missing to what’s present, fostering contentment and a positive outlook. Regularly expressing gratitude transforms our perception of the world, making us more resilient to challenges.

Every day, I write down simple things I’m grateful for, which helps me maintain a positive outlook and reminds me to appreciate life’s small joys.

• Read The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor - This book illustrates how gratitude and positivity fuel success, making each day a little brighter.

25. Reflecting on Values

Our values are the compass that guides our decisions. Regularly reflecting on them ensures that our actions align with our beliefs, creating a sense of integrity and fulfillment.

Regularly reflecting on my values keeps me aligned with my beliefs, ensuring that my actions are rooted in purpose and integrity.

• Read The Second Mountain by David Brooks - This profound book explores how embracing our values can bring purpose and direction, guiding us toward a life that feels deeply meaningful.

A Journey of Small Acts Leading to Big Change

My compass is mastering your mind by focusing on what you can control. Each practice brings clarity, resilience, and fulfillment, helping me thrive despite life’s uncertainties. My invitation to you is to start with just one area. Maybe it’s a morning mantra, a bedtime routine, or a weekly check-in with yourself.

Taking control of the controllables won’t erase life’s chaos, but it empowers us to navigate it with strength and grace. So, let’s take this journey together, one habit at a time.